Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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