I'm going to jail i love you
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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