I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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