i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
