eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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