the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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