i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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