i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just gift wrapped bread.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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