Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
