At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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