did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
