dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
