Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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