she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
