The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
