Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
