Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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