With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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