new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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