He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
