you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
