I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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