That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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