i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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