i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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