If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
