Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize