Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
