My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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