my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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