(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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