I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
