she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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