im holly from the hills drunk
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
