just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
