better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
