So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
