Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
