Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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