i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
