OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
