They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
