I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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