my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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