well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
