when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
