I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize