You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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