your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
