The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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