Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize