i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
FUCK WHALES
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
