My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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