benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
