I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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