sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
