dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize