I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
