she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
