She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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